Advice to New Butches

cw: q slur

Are you a wlw who wants to start presenting more masculine? Are you already a gnc woman who thinks they might be sapphic? Are you only just coming to terms with the fact that being masculine and having a penis doesn't necessarily make you a man? Then this article is for you.

I should warn any trans butches reading this, though, I'm afab nonbinary (and butch, and woman-aligned obviously) and I've only ever met one trans butch (who I almost never see anymore, because she's now a junior at the high school I recently graduated from) as far as I know, so I don't know much about being a butch trans woman.

Also: this post is very specifically for BUTCHES. It is not for Masculine-Of-Center Queers(TM). It is not for men of any kind. It is not for nonbinary people who don't identify with womanhood. It is not for straight women or aroace women (unless you're a wlw who is on the aro/ace spectrum, i.e. being asexual and attracted to women romantically but feeling drained by romantic relationships and having a hard time differentiating between romantic and platonic love due to neurodivergence). It's not even for femmes, unless you want to try being butch.

It is for gnc women and woman-aligned nonbinary people who are attracted to other women and woman-aligned nonbinary people, whether romantically or sexually.

And it's basically a compilation of advice on easing into butchness, from my experience and other butches who have helped me out along the way.

• There's no Butch Police. No one will arrest you for being a "bad" or "fake" butch
• Butches are allowed to have the same range of emotions as anyone else. You're allowed to cry and laugh and be angry and scared and still be butch as heck
• Bi/pan women can be butch too
• Gender role strain is not the same as gender dysphoria
• Butches are nothing like straight men
• Masculine privilege is not real
• There's nothing wrong with being a loud, angry, fat, hairy butch lesbian feminist
• Trans butches are just as sapphic and just as butch as cis butches
• Don't allow transphobia and transmisogyny in our communities
• AFAB nonbinary butches are not the same as cis butches, but are still wlw and sapphic and shouldn't have to choose between being nonbinary and being a woman
• You're allowed to have some feminine traits and still be butch! I'm a butch who sometimes wears makeup and dresses and leggings and infinity scarves and who knits and loves to cook and loves dance and likes fuzzy socks and calf-hugging knee high boots and is going into a female-dominated field and played with Barbie and Bratz as a kid and has a weird nurturing side, and I assure you: my purple-streaked-undercut-having, tie-wanting (seriously someone buy me a tie, I love ties), men's-section-shopping, once-called-"fucking dapper"-by-a-pretty-girl-who-was-totally-hitting-on-me ass is still butch. And if I can be butch, so can you.
• If you're scared of straight-up presenting masculine, you can ease your way in by not doing the compulsory feminine things you want to stop doing.
• There's no one Butch Style. There are trans wlw who simply can't pass when they have an Alternative Lifestyle haircut or loose-fitting jeans or plaid and flannel. There are Sikh wlw who don't cut their hair because of their religious beliefs. There are poor wlw who can't afford all the latest Butch Trends. There are Orthodox Jewish wlw who wear tzniut and can't find a lot of masculine clothing that fits them and looks good and fits within that dress code. There are fat wlw who face even greater standards of compulsory femininity than thin women. There are Hellenic wlw who veil. There are mentally ill wlw who need sexual validation for their mental health and have internalized beliefs about butches being undesirable. There are closeted wlw  and wlw in homophobic communities who can't be as visibly gnc as they'd like. There are wlwoc (women-loving WoC) who wear the traditional clothing of their cultures. Each of them is butch if she says she is. So are you.