It's because Roman is gone and I've been too busy to write.
Why is Roman gone, you ask? Did it get fired? Did it quit?
Both.
So here's what happened. I don't know exactly when, but it has decided that I'm a "lesbophobic nightmare" and left, apparently too much of a coward to actually confront me on this, to make its own blog.
But it still kept reblogging from my Tumblr, which is so fucking funny. And hypocritical. I blocked it.
Okay, I guess? I'm not holding it prisoner. I can't force it to write and I don't want to. I'm just trying to figure out why it feels that way about me.
Admittedly I do have a lot of mistrust toward lesbians, especially cis lesbians, because of the way I've seen them treat bi women and nonbinary women. Admittedly, that mistrust is undeserved because it's directed toward the lesbian community as a whole and I don't scrutinize cis bi women the way I do cis lesbians, even though both groups are equally transphobic.
I guess it feels like a betrayal, that so many lesbians treat bi women like we're just juvenile, man-obsessed, traitorous dick-worshippers who are too stupid to talk about our own oppression. Because like I expect men, straight women, and aroace women to hate me. I shouldn't have to expect that from lesbians, considering that they don't oppress me, but I do and I wish I didn't.
I feel like the lesbian community as a whole, not necessarily individual lesbians, has been toxic, cruel, elitist, and hypocritical toward bi women. I have seen so many leftist lesbians talk about how lived material realities matter more than identity politics, and I think it's hypocritical and bimisogynistic of these lesbians to assume that the most important thing about any bi woman's lived material reality is her attraction to men and that it is, therefore, absolutely unjustifiable and disgusting for any bi woman to apply terms to herself that are associated with lesbianism (not counting, of course, actually identifying as lesbian or gay) or to resent being ignored or treated as an afterthought when it comes to conversations like feeling alienated from womanhood, being pressured to prioritize men, or facing homophobic misogyny.
I feel the same way about how many leftist cis lesbians - and it is mostly cis lesbians, from what I've seen - treat nonbinary women and CAFAB trans people. They, along with all other cis LGB people, are way too eager to remind us "afabs" that we benefit from transmisogyny, as if they don't benefit from it to a greater extent than we ever will and as if they don't benefit from transphobia as a whole.
Cis lesbian and bi women in leftist scenes have a tendency to tokenize trans women and use them as social capital as long as they agree with them, prioritize them over other trans people, and espouse exactly the right political opinions for cis women's benefit. They're essentially capitalizing on trans women's hypervisibility, but then they'll turn around and say it's misogynistic to be mean to TERFs or call out any lesbian's transmisogyny when you're not a lesbian yourself.
As for the rest of us trans, nonbinary, and generally non-cis people? Well, we don't make good social justice props for cis women, so we're pretty much useless unless they want to fetishize us (which, yes, cis lesbians have done to me). Which makes it okay for cis women of any kind to openly laugh at us, misgender us, lecture us on issues that we understand far better than they do, and generally treat us like we're just silly white blue-haired MOGAI fifteen-year-olds who are hopped up on identity politics, don't understand anything about real oppression, and (specifically for woman-aligned nonbinary people) only "internally identify" as nonbinary but are basically just cis women with a twist.
They also assume that they always know any non-cis woman's assigned sex, which is dehumanizing, invasive, and transphobic toward all trans women and all woman-aligned nonbinary people. That kind of behavior from cis women leads to fetishization, harassment, and sexual violence against us. They appropriate our experiences (i.e. cis femmes claiming that they share oppression with trans women under "femmephobia" as if GNC trans women don't exist, or cis WLW in general uncritically promoting rhetoric like "dysphoria is just internalized misogyny" and "woman-aligned nonbinary people are always functionally cis"). They dismiss and infantilize non-cis women who are feminine and sexually harass non-cis women who are not, even to the point of assuming we're violent because of our gender nonconformity.
Honestly? I'm pretty much convinced by now that ~*~sapphic solidarity~*~ is mostly a way to shut nonbinary and trans WLW up about cis women's transphobia and to downplay any mistreatment bi women and lesbians face from one another.
Of course, bi women are exempt from absolutely none of this, are sometimes genuinely awful toward lesbians, and if they are cis then they're just as capable of transphobia as cis lesbians are. There are also nonbinary and trans lesbians who have been hurt just as badly by cis women (including cis bi women!) as I, a nonbinary bi woman, have. It's also important to remember that straight women, aroace women, and men of all sexualities are far more capable of being cruel to bi women than lesbians are.
So I know the mistreatment I've faced and the alienation I feel from (cis) lesbians as a result is not an excuse to be lesbophobic, okay? I'm working on it and trying to be genuinely respectful of lesbians, but I will still expect that respect to go both ways and I will still always prioritize other bi women - especially TGNC and gender diverse bi women - before anyone else.
And honestly? I think that's part of why Roman believes I'm a lesbophobe. It is uncomfortable with me putting bi women first, addressing the issues we face from cishet, cis aroace, and LGBT people alike, and saying that our material realities are often very similar to lesbians' and even if they're not, that doesn't mean it's okay to condescend to us, mock our mistreatment, group us with men or straight women, or act like we're stupid, catty, unfaithful, hyperfeminine bihet cocksucking breeders who are too dumb and unwoke to give up men and are only good for sex.
Good riddance, overall. Anyone who is so entitled to bi women's labor that it can't even handle seeing one say "hey don't treat us like shit" without accusing him of being a lesbophobe isn't someone who is worthy of my time - especially when it wasn't the world's greatest ally to us itself.
As for myself, I've been dealing with personal issues. I've struggled with my mental health, especially binge eating, impulsive eating, and emotional eating, for most of my life - there's a reason, but I don't feel ready to go into it now - and I'm trying to get that under control and focus on my health and recovery, especially since I relapsed this year. I'm also trying to focus on school, get the rest of my life in order, doing an internship, and trying to get up the nerve to ask out the pretty doe in my psychology class.
I guess that sums up why I've been inactive. I'm hoping to write more soon, but no promises. And finally: I'm looking for new mods! If you are an LGBT leftist who likes to write and fits my requirements, please head over to the mod applications page.
Why is Roman gone, you ask? Did it get fired? Did it quit?
Both.
So here's what happened. I don't know exactly when, but it has decided that I'm a "lesbophobic nightmare" and left, apparently too much of a coward to actually confront me on this, to make its own blog.
But it still kept reblogging from my Tumblr, which is so fucking funny. And hypocritical. I blocked it.
Okay, I guess? I'm not holding it prisoner. I can't force it to write and I don't want to. I'm just trying to figure out why it feels that way about me.
Admittedly I do have a lot of mistrust toward lesbians, especially cis lesbians, because of the way I've seen them treat bi women and nonbinary women. Admittedly, that mistrust is undeserved because it's directed toward the lesbian community as a whole and I don't scrutinize cis bi women the way I do cis lesbians, even though both groups are equally transphobic.
I guess it feels like a betrayal, that so many lesbians treat bi women like we're just juvenile, man-obsessed, traitorous dick-worshippers who are too stupid to talk about our own oppression. Because like I expect men, straight women, and aroace women to hate me. I shouldn't have to expect that from lesbians, considering that they don't oppress me, but I do and I wish I didn't.
I feel like the lesbian community as a whole, not necessarily individual lesbians, has been toxic, cruel, elitist, and hypocritical toward bi women. I have seen so many leftist lesbians talk about how lived material realities matter more than identity politics, and I think it's hypocritical and bimisogynistic of these lesbians to assume that the most important thing about any bi woman's lived material reality is her attraction to men and that it is, therefore, absolutely unjustifiable and disgusting for any bi woman to apply terms to herself that are associated with lesbianism (not counting, of course, actually identifying as lesbian or gay) or to resent being ignored or treated as an afterthought when it comes to conversations like feeling alienated from womanhood, being pressured to prioritize men, or facing homophobic misogyny.
I feel the same way about how many leftist cis lesbians - and it is mostly cis lesbians, from what I've seen - treat nonbinary women and CAFAB trans people. They, along with all other cis LGB people, are way too eager to remind us "afabs" that we benefit from transmisogyny, as if they don't benefit from it to a greater extent than we ever will and as if they don't benefit from transphobia as a whole.
Cis lesbian and bi women in leftist scenes have a tendency to tokenize trans women and use them as social capital as long as they agree with them, prioritize them over other trans people, and espouse exactly the right political opinions for cis women's benefit. They're essentially capitalizing on trans women's hypervisibility, but then they'll turn around and say it's misogynistic to be mean to TERFs or call out any lesbian's transmisogyny when you're not a lesbian yourself.
As for the rest of us trans, nonbinary, and generally non-cis people? Well, we don't make good social justice props for cis women, so we're pretty much useless unless they want to fetishize us (which, yes, cis lesbians have done to me). Which makes it okay for cis women of any kind to openly laugh at us, misgender us, lecture us on issues that we understand far better than they do, and generally treat us like we're just silly white blue-haired MOGAI fifteen-year-olds who are hopped up on identity politics, don't understand anything about real oppression, and (specifically for woman-aligned nonbinary people) only "internally identify" as nonbinary but are basically just cis women with a twist.
They also assume that they always know any non-cis woman's assigned sex, which is dehumanizing, invasive, and transphobic toward all trans women and all woman-aligned nonbinary people. That kind of behavior from cis women leads to fetishization, harassment, and sexual violence against us. They appropriate our experiences (i.e. cis femmes claiming that they share oppression with trans women under "femmephobia" as if GNC trans women don't exist, or cis WLW in general uncritically promoting rhetoric like "dysphoria is just internalized misogyny" and "woman-aligned nonbinary people are always functionally cis"). They dismiss and infantilize non-cis women who are feminine and sexually harass non-cis women who are not, even to the point of assuming we're violent because of our gender nonconformity.
Honestly? I'm pretty much convinced by now that ~*~sapphic solidarity~*~ is mostly a way to shut nonbinary and trans WLW up about cis women's transphobia and to downplay any mistreatment bi women and lesbians face from one another.
Of course, bi women are exempt from absolutely none of this, are sometimes genuinely awful toward lesbians, and if they are cis then they're just as capable of transphobia as cis lesbians are. There are also nonbinary and trans lesbians who have been hurt just as badly by cis women (including cis bi women!) as I, a nonbinary bi woman, have. It's also important to remember that straight women, aroace women, and men of all sexualities are far more capable of being cruel to bi women than lesbians are.
So I know the mistreatment I've faced and the alienation I feel from (cis) lesbians as a result is not an excuse to be lesbophobic, okay? I'm working on it and trying to be genuinely respectful of lesbians, but I will still expect that respect to go both ways and I will still always prioritize other bi women - especially TGNC and gender diverse bi women - before anyone else.
And honestly? I think that's part of why Roman believes I'm a lesbophobe. It is uncomfortable with me putting bi women first, addressing the issues we face from cishet, cis aroace, and LGBT people alike, and saying that our material realities are often very similar to lesbians' and even if they're not, that doesn't mean it's okay to condescend to us, mock our mistreatment, group us with men or straight women, or act like we're stupid, catty, unfaithful, hyperfeminine bihet cocksucking breeders who are too dumb and unwoke to give up men and are only good for sex.
Good riddance, overall. Anyone who is so entitled to bi women's labor that it can't even handle seeing one say "hey don't treat us like shit" without accusing him of being a lesbophobe isn't someone who is worthy of my time - especially when it wasn't the world's greatest ally to us itself.
As for myself, I've been dealing with personal issues. I've struggled with my mental health, especially binge eating, impulsive eating, and emotional eating, for most of my life - there's a reason, but I don't feel ready to go into it now - and I'm trying to get that under control and focus on my health and recovery, especially since I relapsed this year. I'm also trying to focus on school, get the rest of my life in order, doing an internship, and trying to get up the nerve to ask out the pretty doe in my psychology class.
I guess that sums up why I've been inactive. I'm hoping to write more soon, but no promises. And finally: I'm looking for new mods! If you are an LGBT leftist who likes to write and fits my requirements, please head over to the mod applications page.
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