Apparently, there's a movement in the aromantic and asexual communities to separate ourselves from the LGBT+ community. I figure it's time I addressed that.
Since I'm allosexual, I'll be speaking primarily about aros in this post. Just to make that clear.
The name for our community would be A+, according to an aroace I've asked about this. I like that - or maybe A-spectrum, which sounds more official. But that sounds too much like "ace spectrum", which doesn't include allosexual aros.
How about A-squared? In Sarah Mlynowski's Magic In Manhattan (I had a thing for cute teenage witches in pop culture when I was in middle school), that's what Rachel calls her sister Miri's spell book. And, come on, who doesn't want to be named after an awesome magical spell book?
But that doesn't sound really official either...especially when we have to explain to people that we got the name from an urban fantasy series for thirteen-year-olds. And we might have to deal with copyright and trademark laws for naming ourselves after something that was created and published by someone else, but I doubt Mlynowski would really care. When we get involved in community visibility and activism, we need to bring our A-game.
Hey...
Anyway, I've been told that as a gay nonbinary aro, I would be considered a member of both the LGBT+ and aro/ace spectrum communities. Aroaces who aren't SGA, multisexual, transgender, nonbinary, or intersex would be only in the A community, as would heteroromantic aces and heterosexual aros.
On the one hand, I'm glad that a deal has been brokered and aro/ace people might be respected as a valid community in our own right.
On the other, I'm a nonbinary, aro, gay, and bisexual (I fit the definitions of both gayness and bisexuality because I'm attracted to multiple genders, but all the genders I'm attracted to are the same as or similar to my own). And a lot of the time, I've felt like I have to choose. There are other aros acting like 'gay' and 'aro' are mutually exclusive, other gay people slut-shaming and speaking over bisexual women, other bisexuals using cissexist definitions for their sexuality, and on top of that I feel like I'm invalidating my own gender by identifying as sapphic, an identity exclusive to women. If the arospec community were to formally separate from the LGBT+ community, how would that impact me and other trans, gay, and BPQ+ aros who share my experiences? How about trans, gay, and BPQ+ aces? Nonbinary and gender variant aro/ace people who don't identify as transgender?
It also bothers me that so many alloromantic allosexual LGBT people consider hetaros and hetaces straight and that this is part of the reason for the separatist movement. If you're allosexual, you don't get to call hetaces straight unless they identify that way. If you're alloromantic, you don't get to call hetaros straight unless they identify that way. Period. My grayromanticism is not a 'neutral' trait, and it's sure as hell not the same as being heteroromantic. That doesn't change for a heterosexual aro.
But at least this is a compromise. We're not straight, we're not heteronormative...but being aro or ace isn't the same as being LGBTQI either. And while I identify as queer, I don't consider my grayromanticism queer. I consider it aro, or gray anyway. My sexuality is queer. My gender fluidity is queer. Hell, even my androgyny is queer, but only because it's performed by me and is heavily informed by my gender. But my grayromanticism is not queer.
All in all, I at least want to give this separatist thing a try. Any thoughts?
Since I'm allosexual, I'll be speaking primarily about aros in this post. Just to make that clear.
The name for our community would be A+, according to an aroace I've asked about this. I like that - or maybe A-spectrum, which sounds more official. But that sounds too much like "ace spectrum", which doesn't include allosexual aros.
How about A-squared? In Sarah Mlynowski's Magic In Manhattan (I had a thing for cute teenage witches in pop culture when I was in middle school), that's what Rachel calls her sister Miri's spell book. And, come on, who doesn't want to be named after an awesome magical spell book?
But that doesn't sound really official either...especially when we have to explain to people that we got the name from an urban fantasy series for thirteen-year-olds. And we might have to deal with copyright and trademark laws for naming ourselves after something that was created and published by someone else, but I doubt Mlynowski would really care. When we get involved in community visibility and activism, we need to bring our A-game.
Hey...
Anyway, I've been told that as a gay nonbinary aro, I would be considered a member of both the LGBT+ and aro/ace spectrum communities. Aroaces who aren't SGA, multisexual, transgender, nonbinary, or intersex would be only in the A community, as would heteroromantic aces and heterosexual aros.
On the one hand, I'm glad that a deal has been brokered and aro/ace people might be respected as a valid community in our own right.
On the other, I'm a nonbinary, aro, gay, and bisexual (I fit the definitions of both gayness and bisexuality because I'm attracted to multiple genders, but all the genders I'm attracted to are the same as or similar to my own). And a lot of the time, I've felt like I have to choose. There are other aros acting like 'gay' and 'aro' are mutually exclusive, other gay people slut-shaming and speaking over bisexual women, other bisexuals using cissexist definitions for their sexuality, and on top of that I feel like I'm invalidating my own gender by identifying as sapphic, an identity exclusive to women. If the arospec community were to formally separate from the LGBT+ community, how would that impact me and other trans, gay, and BPQ+ aros who share my experiences? How about trans, gay, and BPQ+ aces? Nonbinary and gender variant aro/ace people who don't identify as transgender?
It also bothers me that so many alloromantic allosexual LGBT people consider hetaros and hetaces straight and that this is part of the reason for the separatist movement. If you're allosexual, you don't get to call hetaces straight unless they identify that way. If you're alloromantic, you don't get to call hetaros straight unless they identify that way. Period. My grayromanticism is not a 'neutral' trait, and it's sure as hell not the same as being heteroromantic. That doesn't change for a heterosexual aro.
But at least this is a compromise. We're not straight, we're not heteronormative...but being aro or ace isn't the same as being LGBTQI either. And while I identify as queer, I don't consider my grayromanticism queer. I consider it aro, or gray anyway. My sexuality is queer. My gender fluidity is queer. Hell, even my androgyny is queer, but only because it's performed by me and is heavily informed by my gender. But my grayromanticism is not queer.
All in all, I at least want to give this separatist thing a try. Any thoughts?
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