Not Completely

This is a poem I wrote when I was just starting to come out to myself as genderqueer.

Not Completely

Female...
I am female
This is my birth label
I was called 'daughter'

Female?
But...not always so feminine
I loved oversized man's shirts
Felt uncomfortable in makeup
Couldn't always relate to girls
The way the other girls seemed to

So I crossdressed
And it felt good
But I am not male
I do not think I am "he"...
but not always exactly "she"
Not completely

Now, I wear dresses
Sometimes, and flowers
Jewelry
It's nice, to be feminine
To feel like a girl
Sometimes

Sometimes, I can tolerate it
Sometimes, I enjoy it
But others...
The femininity is stifling
Straining...
Sometimes it feels so good to wear
Bass Pro shirts and men's jeans
To get dirty, to run, to feel like myself
But I'm not even sure who that is

I am female
Female?
Female...
But not completely