...and none of them are "amatonormativity".
So yet another website has decided that gay relationships are more normative than friendships and I'm tired of it. Which is why I'm responding.
The word amatonormativity is defined as “the assumptions that a central, exclusive, amorous relationship is normal for humans, in that it is a universally shared goal, and that such a relationship is normative, in that it should be aimed at in preference to other relationship types.”
Yeah, a central, exclusive, amorous relationship between cis men and cis women. The way my romantic relationships would play out - the titles I use, the gender of the people I'm most likely to date and marry - isn't considered normal and sure as hell not more so than cishet people's friendships or polyamorous relationships. If you asked the cishet people in my life, they'd definitely say they would rather I was celibate and dateless for my entire life, or that I dated multiple cis men at once, than for me to prioritize monogamous, healthy romantic relationships with women.
"Amatonormativity labels the structures that assume exclusive, romantic relationships are the be-all and end-all, and that everybody should organize their lives around securing and maintaining such relationships. Love conquers all, et cetera." Right. Because it's not like anyone is told that their exclusive romantic relationship is evil and demonic and sinful and going to doom them to hell or anything. It's not like gay men in Russia are being tortured because of the romantic relationships they want, like there's a history of SGA people being physically attacked for pursuing romance, or like anyone has ever been disowned, lost custody of their children, been fired, been harassed, been stalked, or been murdered because of their romantic relationship. Homophobia is over, everyone can go home now.
"It frames national debates, too: Jenkins points to Justice Anthony Kennedy’s opinion on same-sex marriage, which reads that the petitioners “not … be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions” and find “equal dignity in the eyes of the law.” While that very paragraph set liberal hearts aflame, Jenkins is cautious: There’s also the message that without marriage, one lives without dignity, in lonely condemnation, as with some kind of Old Testament curse." Not everything is about #woke single straight people. The U.S. Justice system is corrupt and has a long history of white supremacy and classism, but marriage equality is something to celebrate - for aces and aros too, considering that their American LGBT members gained an important civil right in June of 2015. But as the ace and aro communities have made clear over and over again, LGBT aces and aros don't matter to them.
Seriously, though, there is pressure for women to prioritize exclusive romantic relationships with men over friendships with anyone, especially other women...mostly because of misogyny and capitalism. Which The Cut acknowledges, but somehow it doesn't occur to them that it really is just...misogyny. So, to Drake Baer, writer of this horrendous article who is evidently neither a woman nor gay, you can say that! You can say the word misogyny! And patriarchy! And compulsory femininity and coercive heterosexuality and abuse culture! No need to act like gay people are accepted and loved by everyone, especially when lesbians and bi women - especially the ones who aren't cis - are the people most heavily affected by "amatonormativity".
You can talk about how people are pushed into cis man/woman relationships for the purpose of preserving heteronormativity. You can talk about homophobia. You can talk about how all of this is for the purpose of ensuring the nuclear family, a new generation of workers to be exploited, and the commodification of romance - all for the purpose of furthering capitalism. You can talk about how all of this affects trans people, who are frequently unable to have biological kids with our partners, experience pregnancy dysphoria, or are coerced into being sterilized.
There is, in fact, a word for the assumption that everyone should be in relationships. There are several words for it. But none of them are amatonormativity.
So yet another website has decided that gay relationships are more normative than friendships and I'm tired of it. Which is why I'm responding.
The word amatonormativity is defined as “the assumptions that a central, exclusive, amorous relationship is normal for humans, in that it is a universally shared goal, and that such a relationship is normative, in that it should be aimed at in preference to other relationship types.”
Yeah, a central, exclusive, amorous relationship between cis men and cis women. The way my romantic relationships would play out - the titles I use, the gender of the people I'm most likely to date and marry - isn't considered normal and sure as hell not more so than cishet people's friendships or polyamorous relationships. If you asked the cishet people in my life, they'd definitely say they would rather I was celibate and dateless for my entire life, or that I dated multiple cis men at once, than for me to prioritize monogamous, healthy romantic relationships with women.
"Amatonormativity labels the structures that assume exclusive, romantic relationships are the be-all and end-all, and that everybody should organize their lives around securing and maintaining such relationships. Love conquers all, et cetera." Right. Because it's not like anyone is told that their exclusive romantic relationship is evil and demonic and sinful and going to doom them to hell or anything. It's not like gay men in Russia are being tortured because of the romantic relationships they want, like there's a history of SGA people being physically attacked for pursuing romance, or like anyone has ever been disowned, lost custody of their children, been fired, been harassed, been stalked, or been murdered because of their romantic relationship. Homophobia is over, everyone can go home now.
"It frames national debates, too: Jenkins points to Justice Anthony Kennedy’s opinion on same-sex marriage, which reads that the petitioners “not … be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions” and find “equal dignity in the eyes of the law.” While that very paragraph set liberal hearts aflame, Jenkins is cautious: There’s also the message that without marriage, one lives without dignity, in lonely condemnation, as with some kind of Old Testament curse." Not everything is about #woke single straight people. The U.S. Justice system is corrupt and has a long history of white supremacy and classism, but marriage equality is something to celebrate - for aces and aros too, considering that their American LGBT members gained an important civil right in June of 2015. But as the ace and aro communities have made clear over and over again, LGBT aces and aros don't matter to them.
Seriously, though, there is pressure for women to prioritize exclusive romantic relationships with men over friendships with anyone, especially other women...mostly because of misogyny and capitalism. Which The Cut acknowledges, but somehow it doesn't occur to them that it really is just...misogyny. So, to Drake Baer, writer of this horrendous article who is evidently neither a woman nor gay, you can say that! You can say the word misogyny! And patriarchy! And compulsory femininity and coercive heterosexuality and abuse culture! No need to act like gay people are accepted and loved by everyone, especially when lesbians and bi women - especially the ones who aren't cis - are the people most heavily affected by "amatonormativity".
You can talk about how people are pushed into cis man/woman relationships for the purpose of preserving heteronormativity. You can talk about homophobia. You can talk about how all of this is for the purpose of ensuring the nuclear family, a new generation of workers to be exploited, and the commodification of romance - all for the purpose of furthering capitalism. You can talk about how all of this affects trans people, who are frequently unable to have biological kids with our partners, experience pregnancy dysphoria, or are coerced into being sterilized.
There is, in fact, a word for the assumption that everyone should be in relationships. There are several words for it. But none of them are amatonormativity.
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