As you probably know by now, all three mods on this blog are somewhere on the aro or ace spectrum, nonbinary, and either SGA (same-gender attracted) or questioning if we are. I'm genderfluid grayro bisexual, Cosima is agender gray-panromantic ace, and Frey is a genderfluid ace who is questioning their romantic orientation. (Last time I asked, they said they were pretty sure they were either polyromantic or aromantic but it was confusing.)
And, like most other people who fall into multiple categories under the LGBTQIA umbrella, we've all faced disrespect and prejudice from different sub-communities that we identify with - both in the queer community and out of it. Ableism from the trans community, transphobia from the SGA community, racism from all of them in Cosima's case...and homophobia from the aro and ace communities. That last one is what I'm going to talk about in this post.
To preface, I want to say that I support aro and ace people, regardless of their gender or the "other half" of their identities or whether or not they're intersex, who identify as queer. I support heterosexual aros and heteroromantic aces who don't identify as straight. I've faced discrimination specifically for being aro - I've been called disturbing or horrifying because of it, slut-shamed and sexually harassed repeatedly, and told that my romantic orientation is just a "sick inability to love".
None of that had to do with my bisexuality - the people who have been arophobic toward me were talking about all allosexual aros. It's true that arophobia and acephobia can definitely compound with homophobia and biphobia, that aros and aces aren't exempt from homophobia or biphobia, and that heterosexual aros and heteroromantic aces have privilege over gay people, BPQ+ people, and aro aces. It's not true that hetero aros and aces fully receive straight privilege, have to identify as straight, should never identify as queer, or don't experience oppression for being aro or ace.
But this post is simply not intended to benefit non-SGA people, regardless of whether or not they're straight. It's also not a go-ahead for alloromantic, allosexual SGA people to be acephobic or arophobic. This post, unlike everything else in the world, is intended to benefit SGA aros and aces. For once, A-spectrum SGA people are going to be prioritized.
So I'm going to list off a few things that have pissed me off about the non-SGA aro and ace communities or that they need to fix among themselves.
And, like most other people who fall into multiple categories under the LGBTQIA umbrella, we've all faced disrespect and prejudice from different sub-communities that we identify with - both in the queer community and out of it. Ableism from the trans community, transphobia from the SGA community, racism from all of them in Cosima's case...and homophobia from the aro and ace communities. That last one is what I'm going to talk about in this post.
To preface, I want to say that I support aro and ace people, regardless of their gender or the "other half" of their identities or whether or not they're intersex, who identify as queer. I support heterosexual aros and heteroromantic aces who don't identify as straight. I've faced discrimination specifically for being aro - I've been called disturbing or horrifying because of it, slut-shamed and sexually harassed repeatedly, and told that my romantic orientation is just a "sick inability to love".
None of that had to do with my bisexuality - the people who have been arophobic toward me were talking about all allosexual aros. It's true that arophobia and acephobia can definitely compound with homophobia and biphobia, that aros and aces aren't exempt from homophobia or biphobia, and that heterosexual aros and heteroromantic aces have privilege over gay people, BPQ+ people, and aro aces. It's not true that hetero aros and aces fully receive straight privilege, have to identify as straight, should never identify as queer, or don't experience oppression for being aro or ace.
But this post is simply not intended to benefit non-SGA people, regardless of whether or not they're straight. It's also not a go-ahead for alloromantic, allosexual SGA people to be acephobic or arophobic. This post, unlike everything else in the world, is intended to benefit SGA aros and aces. For once, A-spectrum SGA people are going to be prioritized.
So I'm going to list off a few things that have pissed me off about the non-SGA aro and ace communities or that they need to fix among themselves.
- Calling yourselves gay.
Again, I do not have a problem with any aro or ace who wants to do so identifying as queer.
So don't freak out.
But gay? Gay is not an umbrella term for "not-straight". Being aro or ace, or both, doesn't make anyone gay.
If you aren't attracted to your same gender either sexually or romantically, don't call yourself gay. If you're sensually or aesthetically attracted to your same gender but are still not SGA, don't call yourself gay. If you're a woman who is attracted to men and nonbinary people but not women, or a man who is attracted to women and nonbinary people but not men, don't call yourself gay. Don't say that you're "so gay" or refer to yourself as part of the gay community.
The last time I called out non-SGA aros and aces on this, a nonbinary aro ace individual bitterly responded with "And if we're nonbinary and literally can't pick a 'same gender' then fuck us, right?"
Wrong.
Nonbinary SGA people exist. At least two mods on this blog are nonbinary and SGA.
Yes, that includes nonbinary gay people. There are gay demiboys and transfeminine lesbians. I sometimes identify as gay, not because I see it as an umbrella term or because I see bisexuals as basically gay, but because as a genderfluid bisexual literally all the attraction I feel is SGA in some form. If gay is defined as exclusively SGA, then by definition I'm gay.
Don't erase nonbinary SGA people in some half-assed, poorly executed attempt to defend aro/ace homophobia.
No, this does not reinforce sex supremacy or amatonormativity. While sensual, platonic, alterous, and aesthetic attraction and queerplatonic relationships are hella valid and awesome and real, gay people are and have historically been dehumanized, raped, estranged from our friends and families, fired from our jobs, pathologized, and murdered specifically for our sexual and/or romantic attraction to our same gender. If you're not sexually or romantically attracted to your same gender, calling yourself gay feels like a slap in the face to us (while we're at it, if you're not either sexually and/or romantically attracted to more than one gender, don't call yourself bi, pan, or ply for the same reason). It's unfair that nonsexual and nonromantic attraction and love is devalued, but it's also unfair that SGA people experience systematic oppression based on our same-gender sexual and/or romantic attraction.
Dismissing our experiences and oppression by identifying as gay because you're aro or ace is homophobic.
2. Stop erasing SGA aros and aces.
Too often, I've seen fellow aros and aces refer to identities like aro and gay, or ace and bi, as if they're mutually exclusionary.
SGA aro/ace people exist. There are demiromantic lesbians, asexual gay men, biromantic gray-aces, aroflux pansexuals, and many more. My grayromanticism doesn't invalidate my bisexuality.
3. Acknowledge that you don't get a free pass.
Aros and aces get shit on both by straight people and by allosexual or alloromantic LGBT people. I get it. And allo LGBT people aren't exempt from aro/acephobia, even if the person they're being acephobic or arophobic to is heteroromantic ace or heterosexual aro.
But neither are non-SGA aces exempt from homophobia.
I've met fundamentalist Christian aro aces who were just as stereotypically homophobic as their straight counterparts. I've met heteroromantic aces who used the F-slur. I've met heterosexual aros who fetishized gay people.
Even though you're not a straight person, you can be just as homophobic as any of them.
4. Some spaces are exclusively SGA. Respect that.
There are specific experiences that SGA people have that non-SGA people just can't relate to, and specific oppression that we experience that you don't. While EVERYONE who isn't heterosexual, heteroromantic, cisgender, and dyadic is oppressed by heteronormativity in some way, our experiences are very different.
Aro and ace erasure sucks. The fact that queerness is often strictly defined by same-gender romantic-sexual attraction is erasive, cissexist, intersexist, and awful.
BUT at the same time, SGA-specific safe spaces are necessary, just as aro and ace safe spaces are. Acknowledging the specific ways that SGA people are oppressed by homophobia and biphobia is important.
5. Don't refer to SGA or trans people as queer (even if you're also trans) without our consent.
Aros and aces are, and have historically been, called queer as a slur and have been marginalized by heteronormativity. Throughout the 20th century, asexuality was part of gay culture (i.e. stone butches and femmes).
BUT, again, the word queer is a slur and many SGA people - especially elders in our community - are uncomfortable with being called that. Some are even triggered with it and associate it with homophobic violence that they've experienced. The choice to reclaim it is one that not all of us make or are comfortable with. I call myself queer and I've been lucky enough to have queer-identifying friends who use it as a form of pride and self-expression, which made me more comfortable with it.
But at the same time, I've seen that and other homophobic slurs used as to insult and shame my fellow gay and bi people. And I can't even imagine what it would have been like to be a black butch lesbian in the 1950s or a transgender sex worker during the AIDS crisis, when homophobia would have been not only unregulated and encouraged but legally enforced - often at the expense of my people's lives. If I'd lived back then, I would likely only associate that word with violence instead of pride and love. While homophobia and transphobia still exist, while straight and cis privilege still exist, I feel that I'm privileged to grow up in the twenty-first century.
History has never been a straight line to progress. But because of heroes like Sylvia Rivera, Marsha P. Johnson, Brenda Howard, Storme de Laverie, and Bryan Jones fighting for our people's rights and basic humanity, being LGBTQIA in America has gotten somewhat easier. I'll never know what it was like to experience life before the reclamation movement of the 1980s, before STAR, before the AIDS crisis, before Stonewall, in a time when "queer" was always used as a tool of oppression.
I can hear the word queer without having flashbacks of police violence or doctors refusing to treat me for AIDS. Not all gay people have that luxury - those who were lucky enough to survive, that is. Not all bisexuals or pansexuals have that luxury either. And, even among modern LGBT youth, so many of us don't feel comfortable identifying as queer or being called that by someone else.
If you do so anyway, you're homophobic.
6. Stay in your lane.
Aros and aces aren't straight. But there are LGBTQIA issues that only affect SGA people. Even if you're trans, that's still not an area in which you're qualified to speak unless you actually are SGA.
Two excellent examples of what not to do are these articles.
The first one is the author's perspective on political lesbianism. Keep in mind that this author, whose name I believe is Marie, is an aromantic asexual. They are not a lesbian - not a WLW at all. Hell, they're not even a woman. They're a nonbinary butch. They don't need to be speaking on woman-specific issues, let alone WLW issues.
There are only about a million people who are more qualified to discuss this. Fuck, I'm more qualified than they are. I'm part woman and a WLW. As a gay aro, I can give a valuable perspective on the intersection of amatonormativity and homophobia that they can't. I, and I assume every single other WLW (A-spectrum and otherwise) in this godforsaken world, neither need nor want Marie's aromantic asexual perspective on political lesbianism.
Strike one.
They call gay people homosexuals. Gay people have said over and over that this is homophobic.
Strike two.
They imply, over and over and over again, that being it's possible to be a lesbian without being exclusively attracted to women and that being a lesbian is easier than being a straight woman.
Lesbians have said over and over that the definition of a lesbian is a woman who is attracted exclusively to women. You can be an asexual lesbian or an aromantic lesbian. But there is no such thing as a 'heterosexual lesbian' or a 'heteroromantic lesbian' because both heterosexual and heteroromantic women are attracted to men.
You also can not be an aromantic asexual lesbian (as in 100% aromantic asexual, not gray) because aromantic asexuals are not attracted to women. And, no, I actually don't give a fuck how strong your platonic, aesthetic, or sensual attraction is with your female QP partner. I said it earlier and I'll say it again: gay people are marginalized for being sexually and/or romantically SGA. Even if you experience misdirected homophobia for being in a primary platonic partnership that is perceived as gay, you're not a lesbian unless you're a woman who is attracted exclusively to women.
And a straight woman who wants platonic life partnerships with women, whether for feminist reasons or otherwise, is still straight. Oh look, here's an actual lesbian writing an article about that.
Strike three.
Let's analyze the second article and why it's incredibly homophobic.
It's by the same author. Again, they're not SGA. They're just a really homophobic aro ace who has decided for some reason that their opinion on SGA-specific issues matters. So I won't go into that again.
In the title and throughout the article, they refer to SGA people as "queer." I've explained why this is wrong. They're talking about gay and bi people who likely actually do associate the Q-slur with homophobic violence (and from their own parents, at that), who may never have even gotten the chance to view it as something reclaimed.
Strike one.
They consistently ignore the fact that gay people are "critical" of things like the Christian ex-gay movement and ~*~non-gay homosexuals~*~ because so often, we face constant pressure from our families, friends, and communities to repress our sexualities and either stay closeted or enter relationships that we don't want. We're forced to justify our right to fucking exist as gay people, which gets a lot harder when there are Christians telling us that we can just be straight and resist our oh-so-sinful homosexual lust.
"I don’t think denying your sexuality for the wrong reasons is ever positive, but I’m not buying all of that. Forcing someone to be in the closet or to deny their sexuality is a violation of their freedom. But forcing them to have sex that they don’t feel comfortable with or to live a lifestyle they don’t even want is a violation of their freedom too."
Has Marie ever fucking considered that the reason the gay Mormon men in this article, and other SGA Christians who choose to remain celibate or deny their sexuality, might feel uncomfortable with "homosexual activity" as the fundies call it, is that they were raised in families that brainwashed them from day one into believing their desires were disgusting and sinful and that heterosexuality was the only valid option?
Yes, voluntary celibacy is a valid option. But that doesn't change the fact that internalized homophobia doesn't exist in a vacuum.
Strike two.
"This goes back to romance supremacist bullshit that suggests friendship is innately inferior and unloving compared to romantic relationships: these men have very real friendships with their wives that likely include feelings of emotional attachment, warmth, appreciation, caring, love, etc, and none of that is invalidated by the lack of sexual and/or romantic attraction."
Marie is right. They do have friendships with their wives. They do love them, though not romantically. And no, that's not invalidated by sexual or romantic attraction.
That said, so many aros use the cry of "but friendship!!!!1!1!" to dismiss the concerns of marginalized communities and this sounds just like that. Yes. Friendship is amazing. But when you're constantly, involuntarily, single (and you don't want to be) because of transphobia, ableism, intersexism, or racism, or when your dating pool is small because of your orientation, and you want romance, friendship isn't always enough. Don't use the dismantling of amatonormativity to dismiss that. Ever. Because you're not dismantling anything or liberating anyone, including aros. You're just tone-policing and reinforcing oppression.
Strike three.
Marie/The Thinking Aro, yoooooou're out (of your lane)!
7. Allo privilege isn't real.
This probably sounds pretty hypocritical, considering that I'm bisexual and I once wrote a post about monosexual privilege.
The difference is that I have several statistics and sources backing me up. That said, lately, I've mostly changed my mind about it, considering how much of the bi community is constructed of PoC and trans people. Racism and transphobia likely contribute to the high rates of poverty, homelessness, health disparities, and sexual violence against bisexuals. Which does not mean that bisexuals are somehow privileged over gay men and lesbians. Straight-passing privilege doesn't exist.
Honestly, I'm done arguing about monosexism. Doing so takes up too much of my time and energy. And we (by which I mean gay and bisexual people) need to stop fighting with each other - if we're going to fight anybody, let's fight the straights.
Okay, I'm going to go on Tumblr right now and search allosexual privilege and alloromantic privilege and write down a few things I find from people who believe in it.
There are specific experiences that SGA people have that non-SGA people just can't relate to, and specific oppression that we experience that you don't. While EVERYONE who isn't heterosexual, heteroromantic, cisgender, and dyadic is oppressed by heteronormativity in some way, our experiences are very different.
Aro and ace erasure sucks. The fact that queerness is often strictly defined by same-gender romantic-sexual attraction is erasive, cissexist, intersexist, and awful.
BUT at the same time, SGA-specific safe spaces are necessary, just as aro and ace safe spaces are. Acknowledging the specific ways that SGA people are oppressed by homophobia and biphobia is important.
5. Don't refer to SGA or trans people as queer (even if you're also trans) without our consent.
Aros and aces are, and have historically been, called queer as a slur and have been marginalized by heteronormativity. Throughout the 20th century, asexuality was part of gay culture (i.e. stone butches and femmes).
BUT, again, the word queer is a slur and many SGA people - especially elders in our community - are uncomfortable with being called that. Some are even triggered with it and associate it with homophobic violence that they've experienced. The choice to reclaim it is one that not all of us make or are comfortable with. I call myself queer and I've been lucky enough to have queer-identifying friends who use it as a form of pride and self-expression, which made me more comfortable with it.
But at the same time, I've seen that and other homophobic slurs used as to insult and shame my fellow gay and bi people. And I can't even imagine what it would have been like to be a black butch lesbian in the 1950s or a transgender sex worker during the AIDS crisis, when homophobia would have been not only unregulated and encouraged but legally enforced - often at the expense of my people's lives. If I'd lived back then, I would likely only associate that word with violence instead of pride and love. While homophobia and transphobia still exist, while straight and cis privilege still exist, I feel that I'm privileged to grow up in the twenty-first century.
History has never been a straight line to progress. But because of heroes like Sylvia Rivera, Marsha P. Johnson, Brenda Howard, Storme de Laverie, and Bryan Jones fighting for our people's rights and basic humanity, being LGBTQIA in America has gotten somewhat easier. I'll never know what it was like to experience life before the reclamation movement of the 1980s, before STAR, before the AIDS crisis, before Stonewall, in a time when "queer" was always used as a tool of oppression.
I can hear the word queer without having flashbacks of police violence or doctors refusing to treat me for AIDS. Not all gay people have that luxury - those who were lucky enough to survive, that is. Not all bisexuals or pansexuals have that luxury either. And, even among modern LGBT youth, so many of us don't feel comfortable identifying as queer or being called that by someone else.
If you do so anyway, you're homophobic.
6. Stay in your lane.
Aros and aces aren't straight. But there are LGBTQIA issues that only affect SGA people. Even if you're trans, that's still not an area in which you're qualified to speak unless you actually are SGA.
Two excellent examples of what not to do are these articles.
The first one is the author's perspective on political lesbianism. Keep in mind that this author, whose name I believe is Marie, is an aromantic asexual. They are not a lesbian - not a WLW at all. Hell, they're not even a woman. They're a nonbinary butch. They don't need to be speaking on woman-specific issues, let alone WLW issues.
There are only about a million people who are more qualified to discuss this. Fuck, I'm more qualified than they are. I'm part woman and a WLW. As a gay aro, I can give a valuable perspective on the intersection of amatonormativity and homophobia that they can't. I, and I assume every single other WLW (A-spectrum and otherwise) in this godforsaken world, neither need nor want Marie's aromantic asexual perspective on political lesbianism.
Strike one.
They call gay people homosexuals. Gay people have said over and over that this is homophobic.
Strike two.
They imply, over and over and over again, that being it's possible to be a lesbian without being exclusively attracted to women and that being a lesbian is easier than being a straight woman.
Lesbians have said over and over that the definition of a lesbian is a woman who is attracted exclusively to women. You can be an asexual lesbian or an aromantic lesbian. But there is no such thing as a 'heterosexual lesbian' or a 'heteroromantic lesbian' because both heterosexual and heteroromantic women are attracted to men.
You also can not be an aromantic asexual lesbian (as in 100% aromantic asexual, not gray) because aromantic asexuals are not attracted to women. And, no, I actually don't give a fuck how strong your platonic, aesthetic, or sensual attraction is with your female QP partner. I said it earlier and I'll say it again: gay people are marginalized for being sexually and/or romantically SGA. Even if you experience misdirected homophobia for being in a primary platonic partnership that is perceived as gay, you're not a lesbian unless you're a woman who is attracted exclusively to women.
And a straight woman who wants platonic life partnerships with women, whether for feminist reasons or otherwise, is still straight. Oh look, here's an actual lesbian writing an article about that.
Strike three.
Let's analyze the second article and why it's incredibly homophobic.
It's by the same author. Again, they're not SGA. They're just a really homophobic aro ace who has decided for some reason that their opinion on SGA-specific issues matters. So I won't go into that again.
In the title and throughout the article, they refer to SGA people as "queer." I've explained why this is wrong. They're talking about gay and bi people who likely actually do associate the Q-slur with homophobic violence (and from their own parents, at that), who may never have even gotten the chance to view it as something reclaimed.
Strike one.
They consistently ignore the fact that gay people are "critical" of things like the Christian ex-gay movement and ~*~non-gay homosexuals~*~ because so often, we face constant pressure from our families, friends, and communities to repress our sexualities and either stay closeted or enter relationships that we don't want. We're forced to justify our right to fucking exist as gay people, which gets a lot harder when there are Christians telling us that we can just be straight and resist our oh-so-sinful homosexual lust.
"I don’t think denying your sexuality for the wrong reasons is ever positive, but I’m not buying all of that. Forcing someone to be in the closet or to deny their sexuality is a violation of their freedom. But forcing them to have sex that they don’t feel comfortable with or to live a lifestyle they don’t even want is a violation of their freedom too."
Has Marie ever fucking considered that the reason the gay Mormon men in this article, and other SGA Christians who choose to remain celibate or deny their sexuality, might feel uncomfortable with "homosexual activity" as the fundies call it, is that they were raised in families that brainwashed them from day one into believing their desires were disgusting and sinful and that heterosexuality was the only valid option?
Yes, voluntary celibacy is a valid option. But that doesn't change the fact that internalized homophobia doesn't exist in a vacuum.
Strike two.
"This goes back to romance supremacist bullshit that suggests friendship is innately inferior and unloving compared to romantic relationships: these men have very real friendships with their wives that likely include feelings of emotional attachment, warmth, appreciation, caring, love, etc, and none of that is invalidated by the lack of sexual and/or romantic attraction."
Marie is right. They do have friendships with their wives. They do love them, though not romantically. And no, that's not invalidated by sexual or romantic attraction.
That said, so many aros use the cry of "but friendship!!!!1!1!" to dismiss the concerns of marginalized communities and this sounds just like that. Yes. Friendship is amazing. But when you're constantly, involuntarily, single (and you don't want to be) because of transphobia, ableism, intersexism, or racism, or when your dating pool is small because of your orientation, and you want romance, friendship isn't always enough. Don't use the dismantling of amatonormativity to dismiss that. Ever. Because you're not dismantling anything or liberating anyone, including aros. You're just tone-policing and reinforcing oppression.
Strike three.
Marie/The Thinking Aro, yoooooou're out (of your lane)!
7. Allo privilege isn't real.
This probably sounds pretty hypocritical, considering that I'm bisexual and I once wrote a post about monosexual privilege.
The difference is that I have several statistics and sources backing me up. That said, lately, I've mostly changed my mind about it, considering how much of the bi community is constructed of PoC and trans people. Racism and transphobia likely contribute to the high rates of poverty, homelessness, health disparities, and sexual violence against bisexuals. Which does not mean that bisexuals are somehow privileged over gay men and lesbians. Straight-passing privilege doesn't exist.
Honestly, I'm done arguing about monosexism. Doing so takes up too much of my time and energy. And we (by which I mean gay and bisexual people) need to stop fighting with each other - if we're going to fight anybody, let's fight the straights.
Okay, I'm going to go on Tumblr right now and search allosexual privilege and alloromantic privilege and write down a few things I find from people who believe in it.
- "The LGBT community has more power and more voice than the asexual community. It is easy for LGBT people to mob ace people, to silence us, overpower us, hurt us, scare us. Aces cannot do that same thing to LGBT people. We can’t; it’s just impossible. The balance of power is completely in their favor in that regard." - @whes
First of all, bi aces, gay aces, and trans aces fucking exist. Second, LGBT allosexuals (especially straight trans people, who receive privilege on the same axis in the same area in which asexuals are oppressed) aren't exempt from acephobia. That does not mean that we're able to oppress asexuals in any way, or that it's "easy for us to mob, silence, overpower, hurt, and scare" asexuals. What a disgustingly ahistorical, homophobic, biphobic, and transphobic viewpoint.
- "Allosexual privilege is a real thing, but it does look different for different allos. Allosexual privilege is basically compulsory sexuality being praised and rewarded. (Compulsory sexuality is the assumption that all people are inherently sexual and interested in sex, and that is the right way to be.) So, anyone who feels sexual attraction in any allo pattern would inherently have privilege - their experiences are considered “normal” and “correct,” their desires and relationships are treated as good and valuable. For anyone who’s wondering, here’s a study that found that not only do heterosexuals discriminate against aces, but at a higher rate/more intensely than against homosexuals - showing that even if they’re homophobic, people do still grant privilege to anyone who feels sexual attraction. Now, that being said, allosexual privilege isn’t a blanket “every allo has all the privileges” situation. Intersectional discrimination and privilege plays a lot into how much this privilege actually means, if anything. While some queer allos will have allosexual privilege in some places, they will face queerphobia in others, which overrides the allosexual privilege. Homophobia overrides allosexual privilege. Biphobia and panphobia do as well. Transphobia interacts with this to make sexual orientation sometimes meaningless in terms of privilege vs discrimination. So. Yes, allosexual privilege is a thing. A thing that is mostly societal and interacts with other privileges and marginalizations in many different ways."
Straight people discriminate against aces...because straight people discriminate against everyone who isn't straight. How else would they maintain their privilege?
And...no? If they're homophobic, straight people do not fucking grant privilege to people they hate. You know, SGA people. Most of whom feel sexual attraction.
But sure. When people have sent me hate mail, stalked me, sexually harassed me, followed me home, and told me I was going to hell for being gay, they were granting me ~*~allosexual privilege~*~. When bisexual women are disproportionately raped and abused and LGBT allosexual kids are kicked out of their homes because of their identities, they're receiving allosexual privilege. When SGA allosexual people are literally murdered because of their orientations, they're privileged. Because it's such a fucking privilege to fear for your life.
The bottom line is, when your sexual attraction isn't hetero, you're not privileged for it. Period.
You could easily take everything that's just been typed or copied/pasted on this number and replace sexual with romantic and ace with aro, and you get the point.
8. Examine why you want to reclaim the Q-slur, if you do.
This applies to everyone under the LGBTQIA umbrella, honestly, because it IS a slur. But I feel like it especially applies to you if you're not SGA and you're cis (even more especially if you're cis heterosexual aromantic or cis heteroromantic asexual). What does identifying as queer mean to you? Do you understand, even partly, its historical context in anti-LGBT oppression and heteronormativity?
Reclaiming a slur is inherently political. So examine your politics.
9. No, the acronym SGA was not invented to exclude aros and aces.
There are SGA aros and aces, first of all. Stop erasing us.
Second, aro aces, heterosexual aros, and heteroromantic aces aren't the only non-straight people who aren't SGA. There are alloromantic allosexual nonbinary people who aren't SGA, such as androsexual agender people or gynesexual demiboys. There are bi women who are attracted to men and nonbinary people but not women, and bi men who are attracted to women and nonbinary people but not men. They're not straight and not SGA. So stop acting like coining a term to describe shared experiences among SGA people without using slurs or forcing the "gay" label on BPQ+ people who don't want to call themselves that is somehow an attempt by Teh Evil Gayz to oppress you.
Third, not everything is about you. Sometimes SGA people are going to do shit for other SGA people. And not you. Deal with it.
Okay, I feel like this is a pretty decent list. I've said everything I need to say. And with that, I'm going to end this post.
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