My asexual experience - mod frey

To give the readers a bit of backstory I'd like to start by saying that i grew up in a town, and family, wherein asexuality was never mentioned. As in I literally didn't know that was a thing that existed until I was about sixteen and I didn't think it was a real thing until I was eighteen years old. That kinda makes growing up ace a bit difficult.

Where I grew up all the other in my school would talk about love and sex as though they were mutually exclusive and the adults would constantly talk to the AFAB kids as though marriage and children were the endgame, The ultimate goal, Our most desirable outcome. The "sexual education" course we took in high school had a segment where we were taught that we would need to "fulfill only our husbands needs" and because I did in fact live in the semi southern united states I went to a church where my pastor actually had a sermon about how women "belonged to their husbands" and how we should "always be ready to please him". I realize that the marriage and children bit has little to do with asexuality but when you and every other kid around you thinks sex is an inevitable thing in marriage, you kinda join the two topics in your head.

I should have known I was asexual when the girls around me would talk about how attractive such and such was or the boys would mention what they'd like to do at some point and all I could contribute was "i heard their good at some silly thing I also like"

I should have known I was asexual when my friends were hooking up and all I thought about it was "whatever"

I should have known I was asexual when a girl I'd been with for a while tried to get intimate and I just kept thinking about how far I was in Skyrim and how hard the next bit would be.

There are many other, possibly more relatable, examples of how I should have known but I am uncomfortable sharing them

I found out what asexual was from my gay friend, and he made fun of it constantly. I asked my Aunty about it and she said "some people are just prudes" I honestly started to think that asexuality was just some silly thing people said they were to get attention.

When I was eighteen and starting to figure out that I exist outside of my "friends and family's" perception of me I actually started looking into what may be going on with me.

Why didn't I want to be with my girlfriend?

Why did I have trouble seeing how people could be interested in other peoples body's?

Why didn't I want what other people wanted?

I looked up asexuality to understand a friggin Tumblr post and somehow something in my brain went "OH THAT? THATS IT! THATS ME!" I didn't really accept it until I'd read the satanic bible and felt really friggin validated by what LaVey had to say on the subject, even if it is a bit shallow.

I spent the next three years To This Date tryng to explain to my family and friends that 'yes this is an actual thing!' 'No I have not decided to be a nun someday!' 'NO I am not trying to avoid coming out as a lesbian for fricks sake mom I already told you!' 

That's my asexual experience in a nutshell I guess, not very interesting but it's basically the bare bones of how everything went down.